A #nerdjizz Notable Sex Position: The Triforce

When a triple rimjob forms the shape of the Hylian source of power, you've got yourself a Triforce!
When a triple rimjob forms the shape of the Hylian source of power, you’ve got yourself a Triforce!

Starring Anthony, Rod & Austin.

Coming This Weekend: DC Animation on Netflix

This Saturday. The 30th. Look what’s coming to your Netflix Instant Streaming-enabled device:

Justice League, which later became Justice League Unlimited

Justice League The Justice League

Batman Beyond

Batman Beyond

Batman: The Brave and The Bold

Batman: The Brave and The Bold

This should help fill your still-hurting feelings since the cancelation of Young Justice.

Trailer Time: Turbo

DreamWorks Animation is releasing an all-star animation piece called “Turbo” that’s one part “Ratatouille,” one part “The Flash” and one part “Cars”. Ryan Reynolds – who has largely been absent from major releases since the no-fault-of-his-own nerd cred flop “Green Lantern” – stars as the titular character in this feature about a snail who just wants to “go fast.” The remaining voice cast is kind of incredible, so even if the story itself isn’t particularly original or groundbreaking, this should still be an enjoyable CGI romp. A few of the awesome voices you’ll be hearing are: Ryan Reynolds, Paul Giamatti, Ben Schwartz, Michael Pena, Luis Guzman, Bill Hader, Richard Jenkins, Ken Jeong, Michelle Rodriguez, Maya Rudolph, Kurtwood Smith, Snoop Dogg and Samuel L. Jackson.

[Via Rejected Jokes]

Nerdjizz Presents: A Guide to Twitter

Twitter is one of today’s top social media websites, and the experience is different for everyone. Some of us, however, seem to go off the rails because you are likely insane. #kiss

Before getting on with with our guide, we would like to take a moment to say that we will not be discussing “#FF” here — or “Follow Friday” for those of you not in the know. Do or don’t, it’s entirely up to you. There are already a ton of other places and blogs providing healthy how-to guides to properly execute and benefit from #FF.

Or you loathe it with every fiber of your being for the great meaningless evil that it is, like I do…

Remember to take some of these items with a grain of salt, guys. We’re not forcing you to conform, we’re merely suggesting you try applying these to yourselves. Unless, of course, you’re one of those ass-hats that really needs to have all of this crammed down your fucking throat, you fucking attention whores.

On with the show!

  1. Double Tap
    We get it, someone you enjoy talking to isn’t replying. We all know how emotionally crippling that can be. Don’t be that dumbass and ask your recipient if they saw what you just sent them, though! Unless if they have hundreds of tweets coming in a minute, or your account is locked and they don’t follow you, then guess what? They probably saw it.

    Whether they reply or not is out of your hands. Your aggressively clingy behavior may, in fact, be the reason why they haven’t replied. Chill the fuck out.

  2. Pic Spam
    Don’t flood your followers’ timelines with link-after-link of pictures you didn’t have a hand in creating! Try to keep it at 3-5 tweets, max, every couple of hours. If there are more, provide a link to an album or photo sets.

    If you’re using Tumblr, there’s a “Send/link to twitter” option you can check off. Believe it or not, these are perfect grounds for blocking/reporting you as spam. Keep that in mind.

  3. Horoscopes
    Here’s the thing, whether you believe in the daily readings or not is your own business. Again: your own business. For those of you who clearly don’t get it, the thing about any horoscope is that they’re only meant for you to read. Beyond that, no one cares that today might be a great day for you, creatively.

    Also, by linking a horoscope service to your twitter, which could be a potential data-mining service, your own horoscope gets tweeted from your account at 6am. When you’re likely sleeping and probably won’t even see it. But the rest of us will. And it’s annoying. STAHP!

  4. Photoshop Overkill
    If you’re not a professional or a photo retouching hobbyist, you probably shouldn’t try to edit pics yourself! There’s more to a perfect complexion than filters and smudge/blur tools, guys! They are NOT your friend!

    More often than not, the end-result is your viewers will become uncomfortably aware that you’re desperately trying to hide your wrinkles, that acne-breakout, shinier surfaces than a pan after cooking bacon, your latest herps outbreak, etc.

    If you must have perfect skin when posting your selfies all over the internet, then blackmail ask or pay a friend who knows how to do it! One who knows cloning, textures, and shading.

    I can’t tell you how many times my eyes have been assaulted by your bad wiping jobs (and let’s be real, most of you think it’s as simple as wiping blemishes away — it isn’t). Rest assured that we *DO* talk about your bad photos with others and we *DO* laugh at your expense. We never said we were angels.

  5. Temper Tantrums
    All people don’t/won’t get along, duh! Putting someone on blast just for something as simple as unfollowing you, however, speaks volumes about why you’re not worth being followed. There’s always a logical reason behind their reprehensible act. By making a public spectacle of it, though, you’ve just proven why.

    If you’re one of those “bad bitch/asshole” types that needs to tell the whole world the great sin done upon Your Majesty, chances are you’re going to be losing more followers even faster.

  6. Follow Stats
    People are more inclined to care about their own follower numbers than yours, it’s a tough pill to swallow but one you just have to accept. They’re a badge of pride to some, for some reason, while others just don‘t care. That said, If people generally don’t care how many followers you have, they’ll care even less about your daily follow/unfollow stats.

    The sites vomiting this data into your tweets are, again, perfect grounds for unfollowing and blocking/reporting you as spam.

  7. #FollowBack Hounding
    You would think this one were a no-brainer, but: YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO FOLLOWERS! If you don’t provide anything worth being followed, then guess what? You’re not worth being followed.

    Team FollowBack? More like you’ve just been blocked.

  8. Flash Following
    Along the same vein as #FollowBack Hounding, there’s flash following which is the act of repeatedly following and unfollowing someone in hopes of getting them to follow you back. It is a rather crazy idea, but for whatever reason, it’s clear you think you’re worth it. You’re not, though.

    After you’ve done this three or four times, you’ve given us grounds to report you as spam again.

  9. #Hashtag Overdose
    We get it, you’re comedy gold and sometimes your genius can only be topped off with a #hashtag. By all means, let your hash-flag fly! Remember KISS though: Keep it simple, stupid!

    3 hashtags per tweet should suffice, remember you’re working with limited space (this is my personal rule, anyway). You also shouldn’t make tags impossible to read by flooding the damn thing with crap longer than your tweet. Unless, of course, it’s fucking hilarious. #dontbethisshamelessdick #wordvomitisneverokinthisspace #omgwtflolbbqsauce

    Also, don’t be a fuck-wit who underscores tags like #Follow_Friday or, worse, #F_0_L_L_0_W___F_r_1_D_4_Y. It’s not cute, it’s not “original.” It’s annoying as hell and still just #FF or #FollowFriday. Eat a dick.

  10. Twit-lebrity Fury
    Angry that your favorite celebrity with over a gajillion twitter followers won’t take a measly minute out of their day to humbly thank you for your intense — possibly extreme — idolatry? Don’t you hate it when you tweet them something that’s probably been said to them a many more times than they can count and they still ignore you?

    Guess what: as in real life, there’s a wall. Stop whining. Depending on the celebrity, you’re probably not directly conversing with them anyway. You’re especially less likely to get a reply if they’re a Verified Account.

    Want to know a secret? Verified Accounts have 2 timeline options!

    The default is set so the first timeline only shows replies and mentions from people a Verified Account follows (i.e., not you). The rest of us have to muck through any and all tweets sent to us.

    Don’t believe me? Look at the Verified Account FAQ from twitter, read the 7th item, “Why do I see two timeline options on verified profiles?”: http://support.twitter.com/articles/119135-faqs-about-verified-accounts.

  11. “Officially” Verified
    Unless if you’ve got that blue check — that is only provided by Twitter — next to your name, you’re not official. Get over it.

    Using your header image to manipulate your profile into looking as if it has been verified is not only tacky, but it should be grounds for flagging a profile as spam. Thankfully, the website has recently undergone changes to make this even more difficult for you losers trying to pass yourselves off as somebody.

  12. #FF RT OD
    We get that people tweet each other or get mentioned in the grating business of “Follow Friday.” It’s cool (or whatever) that you do. However, you really don’t have to retweet every last tweet you get! We don’t care.

    Fridays are the worst day to visit Twitter because there are so many in my own timeline who will literally retweet every mention they’ve gotten that day alone. Literally, every one. PLEASE stop that!

    Think of the children.

That’s it for now, should other stuff come to mind expect a separate set of guidelines to appear (if not added here).

Namaste. Mahalo. Peace be with you. Now GTFO.

One Week Away from Doctor Who!

Eeek! We’re now a week away from the premiere of Doctor Who‘s second half of season 7!

We’ve already been given the heads up on the return of classic-Who monsters, the Ice Warriors, but what else is in store? To be honest, I don’t know where to start because I’m too busy wetting my pants and gawking at the new design of the Cybermen!

While we wait, if you haven’t seen it already because you’re like me and living under a rock, watch the teaser trailer now!

Also, please take notice that I am making a HUGE effort not to complain about the opening titles from the Christmas episode, the new TARDIS console and the Doctor’s apparently new purple jacket. I won’t. I can’t. I’m likely to rage and leave nearby villages in absolute ruin. In the meantime, enjoy!

And as an added bonus, here are four Doctor Who movie-posters the BBC released for the upcoming episodes!

DuckTales Remastered!

Guys. I’m feeling a little shocked and awed. Last night, I fired up the just launched GameTrailers app on my XBox 360. It’s a much better GameTrailers experience because you’re not bombarded with advertisements at the beginning of every fucking video, so I highly recommend it. Anyway, I watched a few trailers, and a few of their original web shows, and then I noticed the PAX East section. For those unfamiliar, PAX East is a gamer culture convention dedicated to console gaming, PC gaming, tabletop gaming and everything in between. It was founded by the creators of the Penny Arcade web comic which you may or may not be familiar with. The original and still-running PAX (known as PAX Prime or PAX West) is in Seattle. PAX East is in Boston. VERY LONG STORY SHORT:
I noticed this little gem below just casually hovering about 4 entries into the list of PAX debut trailers:

I can’t tell you what this means to me. After the video started, I sat there, mouth agape, taking in every single detail I could in the first viewing. To call this game a staple of my childhood would almost be a disservice. This game was a staple of my family life, my gaming life, and dominated my free time for an unspecified period when I was 6 years old. The cartoon was another staple of my childhood. Hell, I can even still play the first half of the theme song on piano. This is a big deal, you guys. BIG.

CockyBoys Exert Dominance Over The Grabby Award Nominations

Bravo @ Black Party
Bravo @ Black Party

In case you missed the Grabby Award nominee announcements elsewhere this week, CockyBoys kind of cleaned house.

In case you didn’t, here’s a recap of their fantastic sweep:

Movie of the Year: Name of the Game
Movie of the Year: Project GoGo Boy
Director of the Year: Jake Jaxson
Content Producer/Studio of the Year: CockyBoys
Year’s Most Eye-Grabbing Cover: That’s Right (Jake Jaxson Presents)
Favorite Newcomer: Jake Bass
Favorite Newcomer: Max Ryder

Count ’em two, TWO, movie of the year noms, and two, TWO favorite newcomer nominations. Not to mention Director, Studio and Cover of the year. Not too shabby, eh?

Note from CockyBoys Director and Owner Jake Jaxson: I can’t express how grateful and honored we are to be so generously recognized by both the Grabbys and the TLA Gay Video Awards.

 It’s been a little over a year since I went from being behind a desk to behind the camera, and I could not be more proud of my staff, my crew, and our CockyBoys! They have all been so committed and enrolled in my main goal — producing gay adult entertainment that we can be proud of!

Growing up in southern Louisiana, I was taught that sex was bad and that gay sex was an abomination. Obviously, that can really fuck up a confused and creative kid like me, so I view my work as a giant “fuck you” to that part of my upbringing. And I hope the work we do at CockyBoys will help connect viewers to a certain sexual energy they can enjoy over and over again, having a guilt free porn experience!

I’d also like to thank our producing partners — Tim Valenti at Naked Sword Originals, as well as George Duroy, Stuart Davis, and Lukas Kazan at Bel Ami Online. Their support, guidance, and collaborative spirit have been invaluable.

I know it’s probably assumed by you, the readers, at this point, but in this age of free porn and tube sites, this is probably the one standout site that actually deserves your membership. They consistently produce original and compelling content that’s not only sexy, but it’s high caliber erotica. The features and the scenes they produce are made with the viewer – not revenue – in mind. It’s such a rarity in 2013.

[Editorial Note from Harvey Walker] If a pornographic studio was the District Attorney in ‘The Dark Knight‘, then the slogan would definitely be “I believe in Cocky Boys.”

Max @ Black Party
Max @ Black Party

Hightlights of LexiCon

Lexington Comic & Toy Con just celebrated its second year during St. Patty’s day weekend. To be such a young con, they definitely snapped up some decent talent this year. The original Green, Blue and Black Power Rangers were all in attendance, as well as the actor who played Lurch in the 90’s Addam’s Family movies, and perhaps most notable was Lando Calrissian himself, Billy Dee Williams! To be honest, I didn’t bother getting photos of those folks because a) I’m not the type to get easily starstruck anymore, and b) second-hand photos of them signing autographs aren’t exactly the most interesting OR original photos to take. So here are a few of the things I thought were interesting. The St. Patty’s Day Storm Trooper was my favorite mashup costume of the weekend. And staying true to theme, I’ve even included a great VPL shot from a Power Ranger.